Frustration Is A Bitch

I. Am. Frustrated. Beyond. Belief.

I’m constantly thinking of what I’m going to do in terms of transportation back and forth to NY Comic Con. Earlier, I regretted even buying the ticket, when I really don’t. That regret comes from worry about funds. I’m waiting for a check from working the primary last month, and they usually come within 4-6 weeks. A lot of the time, I get it within four weeks, but I have a feeling that it won’t come in time for this weekend or at least by Friday. Again, it’s fear.

Also, I’ve been thinking about a couple of dear friends and what they’ve been going through, but I’d rather not talk about that here, since the internet is such a small world and shit can get around, people get butt-hurt, and I don’t have time to give explanations as to why I feel a certain way and why and how I don’t feel the way said people assume I feel about them.

This is the thing about the internet: nothing’s private anymore. That’s another thing that can be frustrating. As much as I have many thing to rant about, there’s always someone who’s going to take what I say and twist it in their own head and make me seem like a fucking villain. No one can speak their mind anymore without it being taken out of context. Employers are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY too invasive, as well as random people who aren’t employers. It’s just so… voyeuristic.

And thanks to camera-phones and smart-phones  you can’t pick your nose or pull out a wedgie without it being captured on camera, only to have it posted onto YouTube without your permission and then have people ask you about that video someone sent to their inbox–

Okay, this post sounds too angry. On the internet, I’m not supposed to be angry, or no one will read my post.

But, then again, the assholes of the internet DO get the most attention, the most hits, the most views. Unfortunately, I don’t have it in me to be a right asshole.

So I’m just gonna have to resort to writing personal things either here on WP or in my journal, someplace I know no one will see anything incriminating. But what if I want to post incriminating things on my blog? Unfortunately, I can no longer do that on Tumblr; I have too many followers and I know some of those people IRL, so that’s no longer an option.

Which leaves me to post more personal things here, since you guys are complete strangers. Well, not completely… I follow a handful of you, but I don’t know you guys all that personally, so it’s not much of an issue. I can write something that you guys won’t really internalize, as to where if I did that on Tumblr or Facebook, I’d be chided over it. Someone would get offended because I was talking about them and they’re taking it personally and they would vow not to talk about anything personal ever again, which sounds ridiculous, when they try to justify their own posts about other people after being confronted for their own hypocrisy.

Ugh… I feel only a ounce better after typing that out, but I’m sure I’d feel a lot better after saying this stuff to the actual person. It’s a good thing said person isn’t here on WP or follows me here, so I can say what I want.

Oh, my ranting. I love doing it, but sometimes I feel I annoy people with it. Yes, I’m being paranoid for no reason. This IS my blog after all, so I should be allowed to say whatever I want when I’m feeling it at the moment. There’s no need to censor myself for the sake of keeping people attracted to my blog.

But I do this all the time. Otherwise, I’d be completely uncensored on Tumblr and Facebook. But it’s wonderful that there’s more than one place to get your feelings out there, to vent, rant, rave, do whatever to get your point across. I’ve realized a long time ago that not everyone’s going to like what you say or do, or just plain not like you in general, but I haven’t really taken it to heart, because I’d still like for some people — if not all — to like me. It’s a human condition that I’ve grown to adapt to, and a ball-and-chain that I’d like to free myself from.

What makes it worse is that, regardless of people saying they HATE, DESPISE being LIED to, they don’t like hearing the honest-to-God truth. People who are honest or blunt are immediately called ‘bitches’ or ‘assholes’ who “don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about” and “need to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down”, but the same people calling the honest these names are the same one who claim they don’t like liars when, they themselves, are the liars. They are lying to the people they’re telling this bullshit to, and lying to themselves.

Okay, I’ve said enough.


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