Revelations: Loss

A distant relative of mine (my half brother’s aunt) passed away earlier today.

I’ve only known her for close to three months, but I had a lot of fun with her during her last days. She was already sick with cancer, and when my mother and I moved down here, she had relapsed.

Up until last week or so, she was a mobile woman, funny yet feisty. Mom told me stories about their antics together, how much fun they had, all long before I was a twinkle in my mother’s eye.

Now this relative, an aunt technically by marriage to my brother’s father, is gone. While I’m sad to not experience more of her awesomeness, I’m actually glad she’s passed on.

There’s a lot going on with her family, enough stress to put anyone in the hospital. She had a falling out with her oldest daughter over a month ago, and I can only imagine how said daughter is feeling after that.

My brother, having been close with his aunt up until her passing, is pretty devastated. I was the same way with my grandmother, and when she died, it wasn’t until the wake when I broke down crying. Over time, I realized she’s no longer suffering or in pain, and will never have to worry.

I feel my aunt is better off at peace. She probably spent most of her life worrying about her children and how they were getting on, and her children and immediate family kept on with their lives and their drama. Even while she was ill, the drama kept going, and no one gave a second thought as to whether they should leave that drama at the door and make sure her last days were comfortable and peaceful.

No more drama, no more worrying about her family. Now they have to worry about themselves and continue to blame each other. They no longer have a pawn.

And now I’m trying to put myself in their shoes. The guilt they must be feeling at this point. That is, if they’ve managed to pull their heads out of their asses.

Things like that make me appreciate my family and others close to me more. Life isn’t guaranteed, and we should make the best of it, like my aunt tried her best to do. Whenever my brother, his girlfriend, my mother, and I hung out with her, we had fun. A lot of fun. She was very funny, and liked whenever I laughed. She appreciated life, and a lot of people could learn from her. I sure did in the short time I had with her. I regret nothing.

From this day forward, I can remember her in a good light, based on the time I spent with her. I hope she’s enjoying herself, wherever she happens to be, and that it’ll be a matter of time before I see her again. A long time, I’m sure, but eventually, we’ll be shooting the shit while eating at Golden Corral.

NOTE: I didn’t mean to get too personal about the issues in the family, but it’s relevant, as well as the farthest I’ll go discussing the matter.

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