Last weekend, the wake and funeral or a distant relative took place. She’d fought long and hard against breast cancer for years and managed to beat it, only for it to come back.
But I think what really led to her health declining was the fact her own family weren’t doing right by her. I won’t go into detail about it, but there was so much drama going on with her own children and grandchildren, and she’s spent so much of her last days worrying about them.
While she was alive, she was a second mother to my older brother (she’s his aunt on his father’s side) and a “partner-in-crime”, so to speak, sister-in-law, and best friend to our mother. I didn’t meet her until we moved down here this past May, and although I’ve spent such a short amount of time with her, I really enjoyed her company. She was one to believe that one should enjoy life while they’re living it, and taught me to spend time as much time as possible with those who appreciate your company and only want the best for you in life. I couldn’t — and still can’t — say the same for her children or grandchildren, and she always felt the need to apologize for their horrible behavior when she had nothing to apologize for.
When she died and the funeral came, I assumed it would be the usual funeral, people talking about how they loved and truly miss the departed, wishing they had seen he when they had the chance and yada-yada. It did start that way…
Until the pastor and family friends began talking about the discretions of the family, reminding them of what they’ve done and how they could have put her at ease, made sure her last days were beautiful ones. They were also given the chance to absolve themselves in her death, to start fresh for their own sakes and of those closest to them.
In that moment, even when the words moved me to them, I chuckled through my tears, because it was as if they’d said everything I’d been thinking during my time down here. All of the drama between them, all of the mess, all of that could have been left at the door so their mother/grandmother could have some peace. The least they could have done was enjoy whatever time they had left with her. Those words were beautiful to me and to everyone observing from the other side of he bubble. Prophetic thoughts and words, possibly gone into one ear and quickly out the other….
Now they’ll have to deal with the loss of an awesome woman who, according to my mother, did everything shoe could for the to make sure they became amazing people who would make a difference. Sadly, she didn’t leave this world in peace but full or worry for her family and exhausted from their bullshit. They’ve probably already forgotten what was said during the funeral and moved on, continued with life as they have while she was here. That’s all one can do once they’ve experienced loss, even though we all grieve differently.
I just hope they never end up going the same way…