Well, I have been putting off writing this post, typing up one I wrote out in my notebook last week, and other things like applying for auditions/school, writing/editing, cleaning, all that jazz. I’m what one would call a “chronic procrastinator“; if there were an awards ceremony for procrastination, I’d probably win all of them, granted it’s not put off indefinitely.
There are two reasons for procrastination, the first being laziness. It’s easy to be lazy, to wait until later to get things done. Being lazy is being comfortable. But when it comes to doing simple household chores, getting that important letter or package sent out, or getting groceries and cooking, and not getting them done, you kick yourself for not acting sooner.
Another reason is plain old fear. Some things are scary to do, especially when one is so used to other people doing those things for them, like cleaning or cooking of filing income tax. They may have not seen it done before, and don’t wanna mess anything up. They certainly don’t wanna be seen as a complete idiot for not doing it right. It’s not that hard to hold oneself back deliberately, letting someone else with more experience to do the work. They delude themselves into thinking they won’t have to worry about it later but, to their dismay, they do, and constantly.
I should know, because I was — and still am — that person, for both reasons. Laziness is comfortable; it’s nice to lay around like a bum, with no responsibilities. I still live with my mom, and my sister-in-law does most of the cooking and cleaning anyway. But it’s not so much fun when there are things I could be doing, like editing one of my NaNo novels, or washing dishes I’ve used, and the only reason I get around to doing anything is because the boredom becomes too much.
The fear factor comes in with writing and acting: I can only imagine the opportunities I could have had while I was still in New York, possible credits I could have added to my resumé had I not blown them off out of fear. I was too afraid of either not getting the role I wanted or not doing the role justice. I didn’t have the confidence.
I also hold myself back from writing and submitting short stories or finishing fan fiction for fear it won’t be received or it’ll be poorly written. I understand these days that writing is a process, and will never be perfect. Performing is portraying a character and transcribing their imperfection as well as their reactions to their imperfect world, and there’s no need to worry about getting it wrong as long as you’re doing the work and making it something you yourself can enjoy, and that’s when others can enjoy what you’ve given them.
When I saw this prompt this morning, soon after waking up, I procrastinated on writing it until I wrote the prompt down in my notebook, and the words began to flow. I’ve broken the spell, and it feels good to know such a thing is possible.