On Not Being Conventionally ‘Ideal’

(Don’t ask me where this came from, because I got to thinking about the content in the first part of this post and this is what all that thinking alone and philosophizing led to, so here — knock yourselves out.)

Black women do everything in their power and spend tons of money to resemble the ideal: white women.

Having our noses modified to look straighter and narrower instead of wide and bulbous. Bleaching our skin to reach the ideal shade of our light-skinned counterparts. Putting chemical relaxers in our hair to make it ideally straight and spending a lot of our hard-earned cash on weaves, wigs, and other accessories to look appealing. Not just to black men, but anyone who notices.

Why are white women tanning themselves darker, thickening their hair, plumping their lips and asses, if it’s not to look like black women? They are the ideal, so why are they erasing it?

Growing up and wanting to be an actress, I wanted to be that ideal. I felt it was the only way I could be accepted and taken seriously as an actor. No one told me I didn’t need that, and thankfully, I haven’t resorted to changing myself in order to obtain that “ideal”. As I got older, I realized there’s advantages to not being “conventionally attractive”: some people can’t see a “conventionally unattractive” person doing something a “conventionally attractive” person could do, like modeling or acting or anything that involves being in front of a camera or audience.

But it’s nice to surprise these same people later on with your talents. They still may not take you seriously, but there’s always that one person who’s genuinely paying close attention, without cruel intentions.

There may not be someone who looks like me who entertains millions in front of a camera or on stage for a long time, but I’m confident that will change eventually. I may never end up acting as a lead (or at least a supporting) character in a major motion picture because they’re just not looking for someone of my type, but you never know; it’s all a thing of getting the movie funded, and the studios think they know what the general public want. I may even end up alone for the rest of my life, but that’s not gonna convince me to become someone I’m not or to do something I’m not comfortable doing, nor will it stop me from living life and enjoying the ride.

Life’s too short to live like a robot. I may not be the ideal in Hollywood’s eyes, but I’m alive and breathing because, according to my maker (and not to get all religulous on ya), I have a purpose to serve out during my time on this earth. I’d much rather remind myself and others of how lucky we are to even exists than to prove ourselves to someone who probably didn’t give a shit to begin with.