“May I ask you something?” he said with slight hesitation.
“Go ahead,” she replied, eyes wide.
“How do you feel about me coming inside of you during sex?”
The question baffled her; confusion and disgust took turns on her face. “What?”
“I thought I’d ask first.”
He fumbled with his bread knife. “I apologize,” he said, looking down at his plate in shame.
“That’s… disgusting,” she said softly. “And we’re eating dinner.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“I had my heart set on eating steamed asparagus with melted butter on top…”
“I shouldn’t have asked you.”
“And I’ve never even eaten asparagus!”
“Really?” he said, desperate to change the subject. “You’ve never had asparagus?”
“Don’t you try that bullshit on me.” She pointed her fork to the man across from her, holding it like a sword.
“Now, please, put the fork down.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“You’re a bit…”
“A bit WHAT?!” Her voice a bit louder.
“You’re-a-bit-hostile-please-put-the-fork-down-before-you-hurt-someone!” he squealed before dropping to the floor, holding up his cloth napkin as a shield.
Realizing what was happening, she laughed. Her laugh lit up her face. He was too frightened to believe it, though.
“Please don’t hurt me,” he moaned from behind the table.
“Oh, stop, I’m not gonna hurt you.” As she put the fork onto the table, he stood up, straightened out his suit jacket, and sat down in his chair. He looked down at his plate, afraid to face her.
She stared at him, an eyebrow cocked and amusement overtaking half her closed mouth when she grinned. The longer she looked at him, the funnier it was to her.
“You say you want to come inside of me?” she said.
“Well, I don’t want to come inside of you—“
“But you just asked me about it.” She leaned forward onto the table.
“Yes, but it’s only something I talked with my mates about.”
“Oh. You talked to your mates about it, so it must be okay.”
His voice became more stern. “No, I don’t think it’s okay, which is why I asked.”
She leaned back, sinking into the chair. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You talk to your “mates” about sexual intercourse, and then you ask me, as I’m getting ready to devour a pricey dinner, whether I’d mind you ejaculating inside of me, not even knowing whether I’m actually planning on having sex with you.”
“I only thought I’d ask.”
“How nice of you. We could use more guys like you in the world.”
“Alright, I won’t sit here and listen to you mock me.”
“Well, how do you think it feels to have someone ask whether or not they can use you as a jizz dispenser? Did you even consider that maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to have sex with you? Has it occurred to you that I’m not obligated to fuck you?”
“Yes.” The two glared at one another, down to the other’s soul. “It has occurred to me you’re not, have not been from the start, and never will be, obligated to have sexual relations with me at all.”
“Then why would you ask me—“
“It has occurred to me, too late, that I’ve made a slip in judgement, assuming that asking would warrant an answer, regardless of what the answer would be. It’s occurred to me you’re a smart woman who doesn’t need to waste any more time with me. Therefore, feel free to leave whenever you wish. I will pay for dinner, as well as a cab ride home as compensation for your company. Unless you don’t want me to, then say so now.”
She sat there, her mouth open. There are a million things she wants to say at that moment, but they don’t come out.
But she does say one thing, two words: “Thank you.” She gets up from the table, taking a cloth napkin from her lap and throwing it on her plate. “Don’t worry about the cab, and fuck off.” She turned and walked to the door of the restaurant, opening it and walking off until she disappeared.
Pulling his napkin from his lap, he threw it onto the table and motioned for the waited to bring the check.
“She won’t let you do it, eh?” asked the waiter as he arrived.
“No. And I’m not gonna let you or anyone else give me any more advice! Understand?”
“I understand…” the waiter said in defeat. As the man walked towards the door, the waiter then said, “At least you asked. Don’t want to seem a pervert…”