My mind is a zoo

via Daily Prompt: Zoo

My mind’s a zoo right now.

All I can think about right now is how I’m gonna pay rent and bills within the next five days.

All that I’ve done — filling paperwork to receive survivor’s benefits, putting in for work (freelance and otherwise), working in theater for what is actually a small gas stipend, and boosting my GFM campaign — have proven fruitless over the past month.

What’s worse is I’ve been boosting the GFM since it was started back in September, and up until today’s small donation by one awesome person, I hadn’t seen any new donations in nearly two months.

While I can still go after other resources, it’s a matter of time: how long will it be until I see money that I need to pay what needs to be paid? How much of it will cover the costs?

The thought of me doing or having done something wrong also crosses my mind. I mean, I’m willing to work for money, but as much as I peddle my transcription services, no one’s biting. I post it on any social network I’m a part of, along with a link to the sticky post on my WP, but haven’t produced any new clients.

I’m at the end of my rope, and I don’t know what to do or where I’m going to get the money I need to pay this rent and these bills within the next five days. My thoughts are like caged animals who got loose, ran amok, and have taken over the zoo while I, the zookeeper, take shelter from possible impending death.

On top of that, my roommate of only a month (and best friend) has changed from his former kind, funny, thoughtful self to some kind of raging asshole. Unfortunately, regardless of this, I feel like I haven’t been pulling enough of my weight, and I’m afraid to tell him of my stresses because he’s the type to talk over people and turn subjects onto himself and his life. I’m afraid he won’t stand for whatever stresses I have going and make it about him. All the blessings he’s been getting over the past couple months — a stark contrast to my major losses — and he’s acting more stressed out than I am.

Not that his feelings aren’t valid, but I already know that no matter what I do or have already done — taking the dog out, keeping the house clean, working with him at the theater (we’re both actors), on top of what I’ve been doing for myself — he won’t see that as some kind of progress but instead a hindrance.

I’m also at the point of desperation, mainly because I hate having to always ask people for money when I’m sure they could be using it for their own lives for whatever reason. I understand that life happens and people may not have it or want to use it for other things for whatever reason, which is why I HATE having to ask for money and I feel I’ve done a LOT of that over the past year or so.

If anyone’s reading this and looking to help in some way, could you help me in donating and spreading the word? I’ve linked to my GFM above, but some immediate relief would be wonderful.

Please reblog this post and share it wherever you are on social media. Every bit counts, and time is of the essence!


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