Revelation: Scathed Writing

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I just typed up something involving today’s daily prompt, but have decided to make it a draft instead of publishing it for public consption.

“But why?” you ask as you read this on your device while sipping on or eating something delicious.

I have my reasons…

To be honest, the post involves immediate family, immediate family that I currently live with. Also, I live in the same city as relatives of that immediate family, and there’s no telling if they follow my blog and keep tabs on me  through social media.

So it won’t be published, because I don’t want vitriolic venom spit in my face as a result. Yes, I want to speak my mind, because I have my frustrations. But there are times where it’s best to keep certain things to oneself, and that draft will be one of them.

It is in my trusty notebook, where I write things I’d rather not blog/tweet about. So many things that would be deemed taboo and bring up questions on my sanity/mental state. But I’m just… quirky like that.

So I shall be deleting the draft, but there will be future prompts to fulfill, and other things to talk about aside from… family and possibly creating a hostile environment unnecessarily.

My Happiness Radar Is In Disrepair, But On The Path to Getting Better

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Not sure I or anybody qualifies to answer this question, me specifically because I tend to attract emotionally and mentally devastated people. I must be that way… emotionally, mentally devastated, I mean.

Yet it’s funny how many of us, including myself, judge those who may genuinely be having a good day or any happy moments. Maybe because we’re jealous, maybe we think we know what’s best for them aside from grinning ear to ear, maybe we want whatever they’re having/smoking, maybe we just wanna punch them in the face to bring them back down. Maybe, just maybe, we subconsciously “detect” happiness through these methods.

I doubt I’m a good judge of anyone’s happiness. However, I do think my “fun radar” is fairly strong. Maybe that counts as a happy radar, I don’t know. Maybe people enjoying life in the moment is happiness is disguise, where they become vulnerable, even for a few seconds or so. Those moments are where the true beauty lies, and as a result, happiness spreads.

Or not…

As I grow and learn from relationships throughout my life, I evaluate what I do and don’t want in relationships of the future.

At this point, I wouldn’t mind having a relationship with someone who is not so much happy, but content, because is there such a thing as long term, pure happiness?

This learning may help in further repairing my radar, and content people who want the most out of life will come into mine.

When Memory Throws Curve Balls During A Monologue

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There was a situation where I was in an off-off-Broadway production named “Something Outrageous” in/near Times Square. I was assigned a monologue where my character griped on about the difficulties of dating.

My group (one of two) did two performances, and on the first night, I managed to start the monologue.

Then I froze. My mind went blank, and I internally began to panic. I resorted to recited the last line of the monologue, and the spotlight went out.

To my surprise, the audience laughed, and while I kicked myself after that, I made sure to prepare some more and relax the next and final night.

I successfully got through the monologue the second night, mainly because of not only being more prepared but something the director of the production said: when the audience comes in having fun, enjoying themselves, everyone, including you, will have fun.

That surely made things easier, and lighter, for the folks coming in were ready for a good time on a Saturday night. I even met up with them at a nearby bar, and we all, cast, crew, and audience, has a blast.

Revelations Via Daily Prompts

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I’m just now realizing I’ve got quite a bit of life experience, considering the amount of Daily Prompts I’ve participated it since joining WordPress. The prompts are bringing them out of me: memories I thought were either repressed or forgotten come back to me after reading a fun description of a prompt with potential.

These exercises are bringingy true writer out, though I’ve still got a lot of work to do, at least if I want to improve.  Yet the fact that I’m writing at all is a step up from doing absolutely nothing aside from surfing Twitter and Tumblr.

I have my laptop’s hard drive to partly thank, however, or I’d never get down to writing out ideas at all. I’ve also been thinking of utilizing Wattpad for original fiction, considering they have an app where I can read AND write original fiction. Ideal for writers like me…

Though I miss the clickety-clack of tapping keys on my laptop to create small, one-sentence Tumblr posts, I love writing longhand with pen to paper. I love the smell of ink as I write. And I know that, no matter how bad or how TABOO my thoughts may be, I know incan always edit them later on my phone (or laptop).

Feels good…

Now I must get to typing up and publishing yesterday’s fulfilled prompt, for I got lazy and never did it.

RED ALERT: INFORMATION OVERLOAD IMMINENT

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As I wrote this out, I went on a tangent about my own unintentional detox from my laptop. To make a long story short, with as much information that we get throughout the day, we may consume it. In terms of losing common sense, however, I would assume it depends on the person, or consumer.

Along with information comes varied opinion from many angles of the Interwebs and other media. It’s up to the individual whether they want to take what they consume at face value, or with a grain of salt.

Many people take the information/opinion combo, apply their own knowledge and/or experience on the topic(s) at hand, and bring their own informed opinions to the table. Those who take it with a grain of salt tend to apply their own logic to the information, determining in that moment whether said information is worthy of consumption. Hence, common sense.

For some, the heavy weight of information today can cause an overload, and some even take measures to center themselves by stepping away from technology for a certain amount of time.

So I agree with Gertrude Stein to an extent. Based on my experience with being codependent on technology to bring me information before I’m the last person on earth to get it, my laptop must’ve had its own overload, so to speak. It needed a break, and that’s what it’s getting until I can acquire a replacement hard drive and get it back in order.

As for common sense, I’m one of those occasional skeptics, applying my own logic and doing a bit of research (a quick Google search usually helps) before I determine the worthiness of such information, as well as add a spot of humour to it when appropriate. Makes the day a bit brighter…

Will My To-Do List Ever Be Complete?

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My To-Do List:

* finishing college
* writing, revising, and publishing an novel
* winning the lottery (or getting a decent job)
* moving into a place of my own (preferably in NYC)
*

It’s a rather gloomy day; it’s been raining since last night. Glad I don’t have to walk a college campus in this weather anymore, but I did have to travel to work this morning. Most of my travel time, however, is spent underground, so where inclement weather is concerned, it’s not too bad.

On my way back from lunch, I bought a lottery ticket at the corner bodega. Can’t tell you how much I’ve spent on lottery tickets since moving back to NYC, but a couple of times, I’ve won enough money to help with rent and bills. It’d be great it that worked out more, but I’ve been lucky enough to gain back my investment. No complaints about that.

I could take some of my lunch to work on another novel; this gig I have won’t last very long, and soon I’ll need to go on as many auditions as possible. Thanks to college and experience, monologues are now one of my strengths,mostly because I write many of them. Come to think of it, it’d be ideal to compile all those monologues into a book…

Speaking of books, my first novel, The Golden Age, sold well, but never became a bestseller. Things could change in the future of course, though I fear I won’t live to see that change. Could be for the best, for all I know.

There was a fifth thing on my to-do list, but I left it blank. At the time of its inception I didn’t know what I wanted to fill it with. While this is a big city, I realize I’d love to have someone to share the experience with intimately. Yes, I have friends, and I talk to them about things. But I wonder, from time to time, what having a partner to wake up with in the morning, to smell, to cuddle, to make love, to spend much of my life with, would be like.

Wait… Spending much of my life with someone? Not too sure about that; I rather appreciate my solitude.

And, in a city such as this, is there really such a thing as being alone? There’s loneliness, of course, which sucks. Yet too many people migrate to this city, occupy the local coffee shops, restaurants, and dive bars for one to be alone. Though there’s nothing wrong with being alone… and I shouldn’t make a big deal about it or make excuses.

Okay, I’ve gone on a tangent, and it’s almost time for dress rehearsal…

My MacBook Pro is Possessed

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The most “human” machine I own?

My MacBook Pro, one I’ve owned since 2010. We’ve had emotional ups and downs — screen going out and taking forever to come back up, slowing down, etc. — during that time.

However, on Thursday, September 11, 2014, its “heart”, or hard drive, was no longer read by the system. Had I not known I could replace the hard drive, I would think it was the end of the MBP.

Thankfully, the diagnosis may be a dead hard drive, and the cure a replacement, which means minor surgery on my part. I want to bring him (my MBP is the man in my life right now). For now, my phone is my primary source of surfing Tumblr, tweeting, checking email, and drafting/publishing posts here on WordPress. But it’s just… not the same.

I miss my bae, and I hope to have him back in commission within the next week or so, sometime soon. We have many memories in our four-year relationship, most of which are backed up on an external drive, another party in the relationship. Not sure to call it polyamorous, but they’ve done their job.

Someday soon, my fingers will trace his keys, typing in harmony once again…