Nearly three years ago, I met a boy who didn't feel things. He and I called them "doors" -- mine were always open, emotions free-flowing whenever I stayed up late to talk to him; and his were always closed, except for moments when my words could pry him open and he felt pinches of things he could name.
He was strange, and I liked strange people.
There’s no one in the house.
Well, with the exception of myself and.my mother.
We’re sitting in the kitchen, watching CNN. They’re talking about the case in Ohio where a guy held three women captive for ten years. I won’t get into it, but I’m glad to see those girls back home with their families and the suspect is having justice served to him on a cold platter.
While the girls slowly piecing their lives back together is important, there’s nothing better at the moment than sitting in a house where nothing is going down. At the moment.
There’s no telling what will happen in the next few hours, and I hope it’s still somewhat peaceful when more people come through — which they will, especially since it’s the weekend. My relative, who is a cousin, will drink more beer and get on my nerves, as he’s been doing since we got here. There will be.lore of a struggle of power if his siblings come by and end up in the same room.
That should be fun. Thank god for a laptop and a phone tethered to transfer internet access to it. I don’t know where I’d be without it. Thank god for my link to the outside world, or I’d be lost.
It feels nice to be in an empty house with nothing popping off. It won’t last long, but I’ll savor every bit of it while it does.
Your WordPress.com dashboard is the nerve center of your blog: it’s where your ideas come to life, and your creativity gives them shape. As writers, artists, and thinkers, we know inspiration can be sporadic and those moments of genius are fleeting -- they come and go, which means that sometimes your literary flame burns out, and those bursts of creation are short-lived.
Your WordPress.com dashboard is the nerve center of your blog: it’s where your ideas come to life, and your creativity gives them shape. As writers, artists, and thinkers, we know inspiration can be sporadic and those moments of genius are fleeting -- they come and go, which means that sometimes your literary flame burns out, and those bursts of creation are short-lived.
Hello. My name is Deannah, and I’m an unofficial resident of Fayetteville, NC.
What do you mean by that?
I mean my mother and I have left Peekskill, NY, behind and are currently staying at a relative’s home until the home my mother applied for rental is approved and we are able to move in. It may be another month before we can do so, however.
But why did you leave Peekskill in the first place?
Well, our landlord thought it was time for us to leave (we’d been there for 6 1/2 years) and the neighbor underneath us was beginning to be a nightmare for the sake of rushing us out of there. April was our last month, but as much as I didn’t want to leave NY at all, I had no choice. My mother also couldn’t afford to find another place in the area, and it’s much cheaper to live down here than up there.
Do you miss your friends?
Of course, I do, but that doesn’t mean they can’t visit me. It certainly won’t keep me from going back to NYC to visit them; I’m already planning to go back up for NY Comic Con on November.
What do you plan on doing down there? Do you want to go to school or find employment?
I don’t know for sure. I have time to figure that out, though. If I do go to school, I wanna take advantage of any scholarships and grants I can get. I also rather wait to become a North Carolina resident for cheaper tuition. As for employment, I don’t know if I wanna work outside of the home. I can always write, and I’ll surely make time for that, as well as other things.
You mentioned earlier you and your mother are living with family. Do you have a lot of family out there?
I do, a lot of cousins I’ve met for the first time when we got here Saturday night. They’re my brother’s father’s family, and they’re a lot of fun, though they can be dramatic…
More importantly, how do you feel in your new surroundings?
I don’t know just yet. There are lots of establishments out here I haven’t seen in NY, and it doesn’t feel like moving, really. It feels more like visiting, staying here for a few days before.making our way back to NY and to the apartment we’ve been in since November 2006. I wanna go back so bad, but I’ve made a vow to not move back unless I could absolutely afford to, and I’m sure ill end up going back in the near future. My mother can stay down here if she wants, and I feel comfortable with her down here and there’s family nearby. But no, I don’t see.myself spending the rest of my life here.
So far, it’s not bad. I guess it’s because I’m so used to having a bit of my own space, and I wanna have more of my own space, and I’ve been spoiled with mass public transport in NY that I’ve.become too lazy to learn to drive. I don’t have a driver’s licence, and I have to renew my ID anyway, since.the current one expires on my birthday in a.couple of weeks.
I don’t know; I’ll just have to see how things shape up with the house my mom wants to rent. Hopefully we can move in after this month, and I can have my space again. But for now, I’ll have to get to know my extended family more and become familiar with this area. It’s a world away from NY, and I’ll have to adjust until I can make the move back.
As a blogger, there are things I’d like to rant about (hence the namesake). There’s an array of emotions that go into every potential rant, regardless of what or who the post is about.
The problem I run into when it comes to people close to me is: what if said person were to see this, or catch wind of it through other people?
Yes, I can change their names and flub it up a bit for dramatic effect (i have a tendency to imagine events happening in my brain before writing them down — or not), but who is to say said person I’m talking about reads the post and correctly assumes it’s about them? Then I get the brunt of their anger when they confront me about it.
It’s happened before, when I made a post on Tumblr about an issue with a friend, and I never mentioned this friend’s name! They automatically knew it was about them, and they confronted me about it. It wasn’t even an assassination of their character; it was a realization I’d had about things they’d been going through and how I would react had those same things happened to me.
Is it because they truly felt I was saying bad things about them, that they didn’t understand the tone of the text? Or that, in that moment, they didn’t have control over what I had to say about them? Could they not handle the truth about themselves?
I’m constantly reminded by this person of the “fight” we had, when it wasn’t a fight at all. I would call it a misunderstanding. They think otherwise, but I choose not to nitpick.
This may be the only place where said person doesn’t come to read my stuff, and the safest place for me to dump my feelings. But there may come a day where said person reads this blog and make another assumption, and I’ll have to defend myself, once again, saying it’s not about them.
Well, it sort of is, but I digress.
But in regards to the subject, what is appropriate to rant about and when is it appropriate? I’m not impaired by rage or substance, recreational or prescribed. Nor do I have any ill will towards the people I want to rant about. If I do, I have a notebook and a word processor on my computer for that.
I just want to get my feelings out there, get it all out of my system before it builds and becomes the rage, anger, and frustration that festers in me when I don’t write. It sucks when you find a refuge and someone ‘invades’ it, for lack of a better term.
Have any of you had the same problem? Have you written something and gotten your ear bitten off for it, or wanted to rant about someone but didn’t, for fear of what would happen?
